I'm your nurse, not your nursemaid. There's a difference.
Having a cold isn't an emergency. Neither is strep throat or "feeling weak". If you are in your 20s and 30's with no other underlying health issues, take some advil, drink some gatorade and you will feel better in a few days. The man quietly having a heart attack in the waiting room because he didn't want to "bother the triage nurse again" can really use that bed.Having a yeast infection, your period, routine STD and pregnancy testing isn't an emergency. Pardon me for not rushing you right into the back. I'm trying to triage those three ambulance patients who are unable to breathe for various reasons. Breathing before all else, so pull up a chair and prepare to make a day out of it.
Don't come in for chest pain and refuse the cardiac monitor, the bloodwork and the EKG. I'm not a freaking mind reader, stay home if you don't think you are really having a heart attack. Trust me, you'll know for sure.
Abdominal pain is not cured with cheetos and mountain dew in the waiting room. Please abstain for your wait so I'm not cleaning it off my shoes when you suddenly have more abdominal pain. Be nice to the paramedics and the EMTs. Don't call them for a ride to the hospital. If you can sit in a wheelchair and you are in "no acute distress", you are going out front to the waiting room. To wait. And you get an ambulance bill. And no, they won't give you a ride home, to the mall or whereever else it is you need to be. Call a cab, and no, I am not giving you a voucher.
When I am running down the hallway with a big red metal cart, get out of the way. Now is not the time to ask me to look up lab results or fetch a pillow or ice chips. I'll get there. Later. If you are talking, you are also capable of waiting five minutes while we press on that nice person's chest. No, I don't know when "your room will be ready". You haven't seen the ER doc yet. I have no idea if you are going to be admitted. Sit still and let me draw your blood and put and IV in you. This way when our doc comes to see you, all of your results are there. He's 20 deep in charts and there are 50 more people with your exact complaint out in the waiting room. Don't badmouth the doc or tell me what you'd like to do with him in a closet. I'm going to tell him. Then we are going to laugh at you. A lot.
We don't purposely bring patients to the floor at shift change. To any fellow nurses who are reading this - my apologies. Talk to the bed supe and try to press the docs to discharge patients before 5pm. If we have to treat the hospital like a hotel in this era of concierge healthcare, then we should have a mandated checkout time. 11am works for me - it coincides with the time that the sickly masses wake up and decide they need a doctor's note for sleeping through work and show up. If you wipe your own ass or wash your own balls at home, you can do it here. I'll even get you a wash cloth and ensure that the water is warm. I'm not heartless. And I'm nobody's chump, you sick freak.
Ah... I feel much better now...
Rating:5.00
Comments
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1
Now that was a good one. I'm not a nurse so I can only imagine what it's like dealing with morons that think their hangnail is a life and death emergency.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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2
People like that are the reason why the wait times are so long to begin with. Send them the fuck home.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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3
Seriously, can't people pick up the phone and call a nurse? It saves everyone a shitload of time.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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4
Hey chatty Kathy clip your string. I have been a nurse for 22 years. If you hate the area you work, find another one. One thing that I can promise you is that it will never change. Only get's worse.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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5
Amen!!!
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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6
Wait till socialize healthcare!!! You aint seen nothin yet!!
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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7
Hey to this "chatty Kathy" bitch. Shut the fuck up. I'm an EMT and I do it with great magnanimity but FUCK those kind of patients.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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8
Bitch shut the fuck up and do your job. Its what we pay you for. If I wanna walk in to the ER with a fucking cold I will. And all you can do is take my temperature and smile like a good bitch. Cry and whine as youre making 30 dollars an hour. Fuck you, you get no sympathy from me you dumb cunt.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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9
Hey, hey, hey. She's just ranting, not saying she hates her job or that she hates patients. I like these rants - they're more intelligent than the standard "my boyfriend/boss/roommate is a jerk and I'm a whiner who can't spell" rants.
Anyway, she's right. If it's not an emergency, you should go see your regular doctor instead of going to the emergency room. Be nice to nurses. They have needles. ;-)
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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10
im currently an emt and this is by far the best rant ive ever read. i worked in a hospital for a while and everything you wrote i could picture. i cant begin to explain how many times a day we get calls for people who have flu like symptoms and think just because they go in by ambulance that they get put right in and get pissed that when they get there they have to wait. today i did a call for a sore throat and she got mad because we didnt use lights or sirens. HA please maybe have a MI and ill think about
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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11
look at this douchebag in #8, youre a clown buddy. dont get jealous because she makes over $30/hr and you make minimum wage at mcdonalds. becoming a nurse is a lot harder and a lot more schooling than it takes to say do you want fries with that. she has to come here to rant because she has to hold back every urge to bitch slap you for coming in with a temp waaaah i dont feel good. and the person who has been a nurse for 22 years "chatty kathy" go hang yourself, she probably works for a hospital that holds more then 20 beds
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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12
Let me explain something to you. If you are kind to the nice doctor/nurse they will give you a shot with the smallest gauge needle they can. They will try to hurt you as little as possible. If you want to be hateful, whiny and mean, they have bigger needles and more painful, though equally effective places to stick them. Grow up. You are not in kindergarden and the doctor/nurse is not your mommy/daddy.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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13
Last year, I called my dad at work, I was crying and complaining of stomach pains. I have a high tolerance of pain, so when I ASK to go to the doctor, something's wrong. My dad took me to urgent care. The nurse asked me for a urine sample and I couldn't give her one. I remember her saying "We can't do anything for you if we don't get a urine sample!" and I told her, "Well, I can't give you if my body won't let me!" and I threw the plastic cup on the floor. To make a long story short, they thought it might have been my appendix or a kidney stone, and that there was absolutely nothing they could do and to take me to the emergency room. The attitude the lady had with me at urgent care was completely uncalled for.
My whole point to the story: I was seventeen and the last time I had been to the emergency room or the hospital for myself at all was when I was four. The nurses there were so kind and I saw that when I first got in. I just hope that they understood I was trying to be as kind as I could. I should have written them a thank you note or something.
Oh. And it ended up being kidney stones.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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14
Breathe
Posted 1 year ago | Report
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15
#4 OBVIOUSLY not an ER nurse
#8 "Its what we pay you for" "If I want to walk into the ER with a cold I will" YOU don't actually pay me, you probably don't even have insurance. Second, come on with your cold. You will sit in the waiting room until you turn into a corpse, then when you finally make it back I will stick you with a 16 gauge, making sure to miss a few times. Cant provide a urine sample? We can fix that too! Ever have anything about the size of a drinking straw shoved into your pee hole? Whoops, might forget the lube on that one!
Posted 11 months ago | Report
1
Now that was a good one. I'm not a nurse so I can only imagine what it's like dealing with morons that think their hangnail is a life and death emergency.Posted 1 year ago | Report
2
People like that are the reason why the wait times are so long to begin with. Send them the fuck home.Posted 1 year ago | Report
3
Seriously, can't people pick up the phone and call a nurse? It saves everyone a shitload of time.Posted 1 year ago | Report
4
Hey chatty Kathy clip your string. I have been a nurse for 22 years. If you hate the area you work, find another one. One thing that I can promise you is that it will never change. Only get's worse.Posted 1 year ago | Report
5
Amen!!!Posted 1 year ago | Report
6
Wait till socialize healthcare!!! You aint seen nothin yet!!Posted 1 year ago | Report
7
Hey to this "chatty Kathy" bitch. Shut the fuck up. I'm an EMT and I do it with great magnanimity but FUCK those kind of patients.Posted 1 year ago | Report
8
Bitch shut the fuck up and do your job. Its what we pay you for. If I wanna walk in to the ER with a fucking cold I will. And all you can do is take my temperature and smile like a good bitch. Cry and whine as youre making 30 dollars an hour. Fuck you, you get no sympathy from me you dumb cunt.Posted 1 year ago | Report
9
Hey, hey, hey. She's just ranting, not saying she hates her job or that she hates patients. I like these rants - they're more intelligent than the standard "my boyfriend/boss/roommate is a jerk and I'm a whiner who can't spell" rants.Anyway, she's right. If it's not an emergency, you should go see your regular doctor instead of going to the emergency room. Be nice to nurses. They have needles. ;-)
Posted 1 year ago | Report
10
im currently an emt and this is by far the best rant ive ever read. i worked in a hospital for a while and everything you wrote i could picture. i cant begin to explain how many times a day we get calls for people who have flu like symptoms and think just because they go in by ambulance that they get put right in and get pissed that when they get there they have to wait. today i did a call for a sore throat and she got mad because we didnt use lights or sirens. HA please maybe have a MI and ill think aboutPosted 1 year ago | Report
11
look at this douchebag in #8, youre a clown buddy. dont get jealous because she makes over $30/hr and you make minimum wage at mcdonalds. becoming a nurse is a lot harder and a lot more schooling than it takes to say do you want fries with that. she has to come here to rant because she has to hold back every urge to bitch slap you for coming in with a temp waaaah i dont feel good. and the person who has been a nurse for 22 years "chatty kathy" go hang yourself, she probably works for a hospital that holds more then 20 bedsPosted 1 year ago | Report
12
Let me explain something to you. If you are kind to the nice doctor/nurse they will give you a shot with the smallest gauge needle they can. They will try to hurt you as little as possible. If you want to be hateful, whiny and mean, they have bigger needles and more painful, though equally effective places to stick them. Grow up. You are not in kindergarden and the doctor/nurse is not your mommy/daddy.Posted 1 year ago | Report
13
Last year, I called my dad at work, I was crying and complaining of stomach pains. I have a high tolerance of pain, so when I ASK to go to the doctor, something's wrong. My dad took me to urgent care. The nurse asked me for a urine sample and I couldn't give her one. I remember her saying "We can't do anything for you if we don't get a urine sample!" and I told her, "Well, I can't give you if my body won't let me!" and I threw the plastic cup on the floor. To make a long story short, they thought it might have been my appendix or a kidney stone, and that there was absolutely nothing they could do and to take me to the emergency room. The attitude the lady had with me at urgent care was completely uncalled for.My whole point to the story: I was seventeen and the last time I had been to the emergency room or the hospital for myself at all was when I was four. The nurses there were so kind and I saw that when I first got in. I just hope that they understood I was trying to be as kind as I could. I should have written them a thank you note or something.
Oh. And it ended up being kidney stones.
Posted 1 year ago | Report
14
BreathePosted 1 year ago | Report
15
#4 OBVIOUSLY not an ER nurse#8 "Its what we pay you for" "If I want to walk into the ER with a cold I will" YOU don't actually pay me, you probably don't even have insurance. Second, come on with your cold. You will sit in the waiting room until you turn into a corpse, then when you finally make it back I will stick you with a 16 gauge, making sure to miss a few times. Cant provide a urine sample? We can fix that too! Ever have anything about the size of a drinking straw shoved into your pee hole? Whoops, might forget the lube on that one!
Posted 11 months ago | Report